I'm not a morning person

The perfect fantasy morning for me goes something like this...
I awake after falling asleep easily and peacefully with a gentle yawn and stretch.  I roll over and there on my bedside table is a fresh brewed double shot flat white with skinny milk.  I'm also alone in my bed because unlike most mornings I haven't awoken to two extra little people in my bed with a toe up my nose and a knee wedged in my butt crack.

Reality bites.

That's me on the left.

I've started trying to get up early and hit the 5.45am group fitness classes at my gym.  I think my strike rate sits around 50%.  One morning I actually got up when the alarm went off, went downstairs to get dressed and... woke up on the couch an hour later. Oh dear. Fail!

The gym I go to has a bit of a hiatus at the moment for the holidays on classes but not wanting to break the momentum of (trying to) get up and get physical early in the mornings I've decided on early morning walk/runs.

Last night I googled for the sunrise time and decided I wanted to be up to see it. 4.53am. Ah CRAP!
The alarm went of at 4.30am, I sl...ooo...ww...ll..yyy opened one eye. Ugh! It's raining?! Five minutes later it's stopped.  Internal conversation "I don't want to get up" "GET UP!" "But I'm tired" "Kelly, get that ass outta bed and JFDI!!" "Ok, Ok! I'm up!"

And I'm so glad I did.  What a reward to see this.

The view from right outside my front door

Hello Sun!

Morning rainbow

I did a 5km wun and am now facing the day feeling fantastic.

PS.

Wun: (Noun. Adjective)
Not a walk, not quite a run. "Wun Kelly, Wun!"

Scales and why I don't have them... yet.

One of the things I was anxious about with the 12wbt was the requirement to weigh in each week as I have not had a good relationship with scales in the past.  Correction.  My behaviour in the past with scales has been... let me just tell you the story.

I used to own scales. I used to get on the scales... at least a half a dozen times every day.  I'd weigh myself when I first got up, before I ate, after I ate, after I went to the toilet, before I exercised, after I exercised. Basically if I had done anything that could affect my weight I would get on my scales.

Dangerous.  Eating disorder dangerous.  If the numbers went up "too much" after a meal (and too much could be 100g) I would make myself vomit, or do 100 crunches, or run on the spot for half an hour or I would binge.

I realized myself my attitude and behaviour were dangerous and I got help.  As mentioned in a previous post I have depression so I was able to get treatment through my existing counsellor.

So how does this fit in with the 12wbt program when it is suggested you weigh yourself weekly in the morning while naked?  Well I don't do that.
I do weigh in but I use the scales at the gym and obviously weigh in my workout clothes.  They're a pretty cool and liberal bunch but I doubt I'd get away with the weigh naked thing!

You know what?  The scales don't scare me in the slightest now. I know it's not all about the one number.  I love this picture that a friend posted on Facebook recently.

I'm in a far better place now. I think even if I had a gain I would be able to tell myself it's ok because I can now do the Pump squat track with 15kg/do almost 50 knee push ups in a minute/can make it through an entire Attack class without having to fake the need to go for a pee.

I still don't trust myself to have scales in my house in case I wanted to get on them every day but they no longer rule me like they did. Yay me!

Inspiration

Humans are by nature usually a social bunch.  We emulate heroes.  We tend to follow peers.  Most of us are sheep not shepherds.

There are lots and lots of people in my own life that inspire me to varying degrees and in different ways in many areas of my life.  This post I wanted to share with you 2 of the people that are inspiring for me on my 12wbt journey.

1.  Group fitness Superstar Instructor Denise at my gym Inspired Life Kalgoorlie.  She is so outgoing, funny and she blows me away with her strength and fitness yet she never makes me feel like I'm out of place in class.  Even if everyone else in the class are being superstar planksters up on their toes I feel perfectly ok doing the best I can on my knees.  She encourages me to keep going and to push that little bit harder.  What I love most about her is that she seems to love and enjoy life.  She is the epitome of 'balance'.  She loves coffee, wine and food, in another lifetime we could be soulmates!  This is us at the gym Xmas party.

2.  My friend Karene who is responsible for me knowing about the 12wbt.  I've known Karene for a few years just through friends of friends, same Playgroup, Facebook, etc.  I've always loved Karene, she's very bubbly but I definitely saw the change in Karene since doing the 12wbt and it wasn't all physical.  Her whole persona is now just more driven, outgoing, positive, joyous and she encourages and pushes without making it feel like you're getting a lecture or telling off!  She herself will tell you the 12wbt was good not only for her physical health but her mental health as well.  Here is a glimpse of her physical transformation.

and here we are enjoying ourselves at the gym Xmas party.  We left early at 10pm as we had 8am Bootcamp the next morning.  Our trainer however did not and respect to him for showing up (hungover and red bleary eyed!) to kick our butts after getting home at 4am!  What a champ!

Please let me know.  Who inspires you and why?

Swimming in the shallow end

On the 12wbt site there are the forums that members can access.  It's a great place to ask for advice, encourage others, get a little kick up the butt and also just to socialise a little with people on the same journey as you.

As I was browsing last night there was one topic that caught my eye - "What's your shallowist reason for weight loss"
Without reading the thread I posted - You want shallow?... So my ex-boyfriend, the one that really REALLY broke my heart, can see my hot new bod on Facebook and think "damn!" lol

After I posted my shallow reason I went back and read what everyone else had put and I think half had similar shallow reasons to me.  I thought it was such a laugh!

Some ladies were also commenting about wearing heels and 12wbt member fairls posted this - (to those who want to wear heels again, this is something I have just recently achieved with wedges being in fashion. They are making my new look legs look great. I have blamed my knee reco for my inability to wear a nice heel - turns out I was just too bloody fat)  Hilarious!

The thread also reminded me of this meme which makes me laugh everytime I see it.  It is shallow to the core.

Seriously though, our reasons for making a change in our lifestyle need to be deeper and not shallow.  My own 'deep' reasons are:

• It is vital in managing my depression
• I have 3 children I want to grow up thinking healthy is normal, I don't want them to have to have the same battle I'm having now
• Obvious but health.  It's no great revelation that being fit and a healthy body weight reduces risk for many illnesses like diabetes and heart attack. 

I'd love to hear your own shallow reasons though. Comment and give me a chuckle :)

Some fun!

As an attempt to curb the odd craving when I feel the need to snack for no reason I DANCE!

I'm a K-pop tragic so when I came across this today I was so happy I just had to DANCE!

Enjoy... or not  ;) >>>  PSY Mash-up

Quarter way weigh in!

Week 3 weigh in.

Start weight 99.5kg (HOLY SHIT!!) and at week 3 weigh in it is 95.4kg.
4.1kg gone!  I'm pretty happy about that but it is more than just numbers for me.

Other benefits noticed so far:

• My clothes fit better - I haven't dropped a dress size yet but the clothes I do have feel and look better on.
• I'm sleeping better.
• I've dropped the dosage on my anti-depressants (big thumbs up!)
• I'm stronger, I have increased the weights in Pump class

So while it can sometimes feel like I'm still so far from my goals, I have to remember...

Battling my black mask

A little about me and what I call my "Black Mask."

I've been battling depression since my early teens (in retrospect) but was only diagnosed after having my second child.

When I have a low I can crash pretty quickly and what makes it hard for those I love around me is my symptoms can vary from episode to episode.  One black spell I'll have zero energy, not get out of bed and if I do it's to lie on the couch and I don't speak.  The next time I hit a low I'll feel like I'm wired, I'll scream and yell for no reason and basically I'm a bitch, the biggest meanest moodiest bitch you'll ever have the displeasure to cross paths with.  Another time I'll actually physically feel sad, as hard as that is to describe.  You remember your first boy/girlfriend and then your first real heartbreak? Where your chest actually ached you felt so heartbroken? That's what my depression feels like sometimes.

I have often used my depression as an excuse, a BIG excuse. Give me chocolate, I'm depressed. Leave me sloth on the couch, I'm depressed. Get takeaway, I'm too depressed to cook.  I can't face the gym today, I'm depressed.
It is clinically proven that exercise, good nutrition and a healthy lifestyle in general is the best thing a depressive can do for themselves but in the darkest moments you can tell yourself, "Fuck it, I don't care."

I had a bit of a Once Were Warriors upbringing in some respects.  I can remember my Dad beating my Mum.  Dad was in jail for 6 years of my life for drug dealing.  He is an alcoholic.  I can remember parties where pot was freely smoked and being in the room while Dad and his associates bagged up pot into ounce bags to sell.  I don't talk to my Dad any more, he still abuses his body with drugs and alcohol and has been back to jail recently for drink driving.  I'm not blaming my depression on my Dad, or my Mum for staying, but I do have to think that growing up like that wasn't good for my mental wellbeing.

Depression is one of those crazy modern day illnesses where the cause is vague/unknown and anecdotally there can be family susceptibility towards mental illness although the link to why is still largely unknown.  My Dad is depressive.  My younger brother Dane battled what I think was bi-polar.  He was never diagnosed and I'm not a doctor. Dane & I were so close growing up, we sort of had to be.  Mum had to work full time when we were kids to support us while Dad was away so lots of the time it was just him and I.
When Dane was 23 he suicided.  My mother found him hanging in the garage.  I remember calling Mum wondering why I had these weird "So sorry" messages and texts on my phone.  She said, "You better sit down" and right then and there I knew, I just KNEW my baby brother was gone and it was by his own hand.  Telling that story never gets easier.

This lifestyle change for me is more than physical changes.  It's being the best I can be, inside and out.

RIP little brother.

Dane Anson Joel Katipa

A lightbulb moment

I know there's going to be plenty of these along the way but watching the Week 3 video today with Mish talking about "Motivation" was a pretty big one for me.

"Motivation is a complete crock" Mish says...  wwwwaaaaahhhhhh!!!

So what are you telling me Michelle?!  I need to do shit I don't feel like even without motivation?  I have to think about what excuses I'm making in my head when the motivation is missing?  Wait, what?  I don't NEED constant motivation?  Bloody hell...

and then the best message of all....


JUST FREAKIN' DO IT!!!

and of course, "Be consistent and you WILL achieve."  So simple and such common sense.  Why have we made it so hard?

I feel like I've been here before

So here I am, starting a journey on the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation Program and like the title of this opening post says, "I feel like I've been here before".

Back in 2009 I did a 12 week challenge at the local gym and had some pretty impressive results.  These are my before and after shots.

Weight: 85.8kg to 71.7kg

Chest: 99cm - 90.5cm
Thigh: 71cm - 61cm
Waist: 86cm - 70cm
Hips: 116cm - 98.5cm

Skinfolds (pinch)...
Biceps: 25 - 9
Triceps: 33 - 19
Subscapular: 26 - 13
Suprailliac: 32 - 17
Abdominal: 38 - 20

Body Fat %: 38.7% - 35.3%
Lean Mass: 61.3% - 64.7%

Beep test: Lvl 2.2 - lvl 11.1
Sit ups in 1 min: 23 - 53
Push ups in 1 min: 29 - 63

As you can imagine I was pretty happy with myself, work done, time to relax... and then pile on over 30kgs in the next 3 years.  What a waste.

However, as soon as the pre-season tasks opened up and I was hit (rather smashed over the head with a brick) with what this program was really about I knew it was different.

To be completely honest I almost gave up before I started.  I was being made to say/do/think things I had been blissfully ignoring for far too long.

BUT!... I did start, and I'm still going and am so ready to meet this challenge head on, not just for the 12 weeks, but for the rest of my life.  I've got 3 kids I need to look after and be an example for!